Why is Mandela the Freaking Man?

Today is Nelson Mandela's 95th birthday and it seems an appropriate moment to appreciate why he is so amazing.

After being imprisoned for 27 years under a racist apartheid regime, Mandela was finally freed in 1990. He became president of South Africa and faced a choice when it came to the crimes of apartheid:

Revenge or Understanding?

At a moment when he could have called for trials and punishment he instead called for truth and reconciliation. He founded the Truth and Reconciliation Commission which asked members of the Apartheid Regime to speak about what they did, and critically, not be punished for their crimes. He understood that it was more important to document and grapple with the crimes committed than to take revenge.

Living in South Africa in 2005 I saw a struggling country but a country striving for democratic values and ideals. In 1991 South Africa's future was very unclear. It could easily have gone the way of Zimbabwe, taking random revenge on white farmers and plunging the country into chaos and bankruptcy. Instead Mandela stepped in and tried to form a more perfect union which would include all South Africans.

Long live Madiba!



And now today's:

Random Song of Joy!

What's that Song that Every Orchestra Plays?

When I was a kid I remember occasionally going to see an orchestra play and always having the same thought:

Why do they always begin with that same boring song? 

You know the one. Where the instruments seem completely out of sync with each other. They create almost a haze of messy sound in slow lingering notes. I kept asking myself why they began with such a terrible song, even for classical music.

I realized at an embarrassing age what I was listening to:

They were tuning their instruments.

I felt pretty dumb once I realized.
But as I've gotten older I've come back to my childhood opinion that musicians are wasting my time.
Why do they have to tune in front of the audience?
When I perform in a play I don't do my vocal warm ups on stage.
When I perform stand up I don't practice silly faces in front of the crowd.

So get it together musicians.
I'm sick of hearing that boring song!

And now today's:

RANDOM SONG OF JOY

Why Don't I Care about George Zimmerman?

This weekend George Zimmerman was found not guilty of the murder, or manslaughter, of 17-year-old unarmed Black teenager Trayvon Martin. This story is a tragedy on many levels, and a young boy should not have lost his life.

But I don't care about George Zimmerman because he is just one man, and the problems with America's Justice System are institutional and nationwide.

I care about the fact that in the richest country in the world we have the highest incarceration rate in the world, and over 2.2 million prisoners.

I care that 20% of Federal Prisoners are there for non-violent drug offenses.

I care that even though Blacks and Whites use drugs at the same rate, the rate of incarceration for drug use is 10 to 1.

So I don't really care about George Zimmerman, one guy who arguably got away with a crime.
I care about the millions of Trayvon Martins whose lives are destroyed by a prison state that never gives them a fair chance.

And now Today's:

RANDOM SONG OF JOY!

Why are Americans so Fat?

This poster says it all:

I initially thought the text was a reference to ending hunger around the world. But no.

It's just about buying more empty caloric garbage to stuff down our gullets.

Technically Mexico just passed the USA as the Fattest country.
But I say we're still #1 at being fatties!
USA! USA! USA!

Why am I a Vegetarian?

The short answer is this:
I can't un-know, what I now know.

After reading several books like Omnivore's Dilemma, Fast Food Nation, and Eating Animals, I've learned too much. It's clear that the deaths of the animals is the least disturbing part of the system. It's the lives of torture that are really troubling.

I won't get into the details now, that will be for another day.

And I understand why people don't want to hear the details or read the books. Once you go down the rabbit hole of seeing where the food we eat comes from, it's hard to ever climb out. Meat eaters can be told how bad our treatment of animals is. Vegetarians can be told how cruelly we procure milk and eggs. Vegans can be told that they should only be dumpster diving.

For now, I'll be a vegetarian.
And I'll leave the rest of the rabbit hole for another day.

And now:

A Random Song of Joy

What are "Silent Cheers?"

This summer I am touring around America with my show, The Bible Players, visiting 12 Jewish Camps.
Jewish Camps are wonderful breeding grounds of innovation, adventure, and babies.

Yesterday at a camp in Georgia we got to see many versions of a great activity called a "Silent Cheer."
This is a cheer that is set off by the counselor and involves all the campers responding in unison with a silent set of clapping and hand gestures.
For one group when we said "Everybody Dance Now" they all did this silent dance then got silent.

This technique was brilliant for getting them excited and calm at the same time.
Keep up the great innovative thinking camps!

And now today's:

RANDOM SONG OF JOY!

Why is DOMA no MORE-A?

Today the Supreme Court ruled in an obvious but monumental decision that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Justice Kennedy rightly said that it is a law designed solely to discriminate against and humiliate gay and lesbian couples who are legally married.

The practical effects are immediate and important for the gay and lesbian couples who are married and will now have the same access to federal benefits that straight couples have.

Justice Scalia in his dissent said that: “In the majority’s telling, this story is black-and-white: Hate your neighbor or come along with us. The truth is more complicated.”
No it's not Justice Scalia.
The truth is very simple. That gay couples deserve the same respect that straight couples do.
There's nothing complicated about that. 

Why do we Still Need the Voting Rights act of 1965?

Today the Supreme Court struck down a key part of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 saying essentially that Congress was using outdated data that was no longer relevant.

Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act required 9 Southern States to get Pre-clearance before changing their voting rules.
Why?
Because these states had a particularly bad history of using voting rules to disenfranchise millions of Blacks and other minorities. Because of this they had to prove at the Federal level that any new voter laws would not serve to discriminate amongst their state's voters.

This law was renewed as recently as 2006 in a completely uncontroversial 390-33 vote in the House. That's because using rules to disenfranchise people is still used and attempted constantly across the country.

In 2012, our most recent Presidential Election Voter ID laws were put in place or attempted all over the country. These laws fight an imaginary problem, voter fraud. The claim is that people are sneaking in to vote under other people's names and getting away with it because they don't need ID. This is ridiculous. Why would anyone risk a federal crime and jail time just to cast one vote? Plus less than 50% of the public even cares to vote anyway.

Voted ID laws are all about trying to disenfranchise people. Specifically poor people, elderly, and minorities who don't have the money to get a government ID.

Laws like the Voting Rights Act are one small barrier against widespread voter disenfranchisement. The Supreme Court should not have struck this law down.
Just because we have a black president doesn't mean that racism is gone.

Has Anyone Ever Actually Gotten a "Blumpkin?"

You don't know what a Blumpkin is?
Good for you. You may want to stop reading now and never know.

You're still reading? Okay... I warned you...

Wiktionary defines  a "Blumpkin" this way:
"1. The act of performing fellatio while the recipient is defecating in a toilet."  

I can't think of a less appealing activity in the world. I'd rather watch Two and a Half Men while eating a bowl of Jalapeno peppers.

My only guess is that a blumpkin is just the ultimate power trip for a guy. Because if someone is willing to give you a blumpkin, willing to go down on you while you get rid of that burrito you ate the day before, then that's love.

But making someone give you a blumpkin, that's not love at all.

So do whatever floats your boat, and stay safe. But don't ever ask me for a blumpkin.

And now Today's:

Random Song of Joy

Why do I Wear my Bag in Front of me on the Subway?

I don't know why so few people do what seems to me to be the obviously courteous thing to do:

Wear your bag in front of you. 

On the Subway in New York, at least on my number 1 train (Woo! Number 1!), it's always crowded. And yet people come in with shoulder bags and giant backpacks sticking out way behind them bumping everyone in the way. How many times have you been bumped or pushed by a bag on someone's bag and they don't even notice?

Instead I wear my bag in front. Because we all want a little space in front of us, I'm not taking up any unnecessary space. 

Get with the program people, and flip that bag to the front! You'll never accidentally knock down an old lady again.

And now Today's:

Random Song of Joy 

What do I learn from this Restaurant Sign?

I walked by this place in New York the other day.

Here were my first two thoughts:
1. Maybe you have the best pasta or the best gyro. But no way you have both.
2. I'm not sure I trust your judgment when you can't spell pizzeria.

That is all. I'll stop being a grammar snob.

And now:

Today's Random Song of Joy! 

Why do I wear a Bike Helmet?

Everyone knows bike helmets mess up your hair, look nerdy, and are generally not cool.
But I always feel like no one thinks I'm cool anyway so why not just wear the helmet.

There are many things in life that look cool but are kind of dumb:
Smoking.
Bottle Service.
Kanye West.

The point is that you have to be willing to look uncool and know that you're right. You also get to feel really self righteous which never hurts. Just like being a Vegetarian.

We also have to bully each other into being uncool together so that we stay safe. If all your friends are wearing helmets then you're not the weirdo. To get serious for a moment I knew someone who got killed on a bike years ago when he was hit by a drunk driver. It wasn't the biker's fault at all, a drunk driver had turned onto the bike path. But what no one talked about was the fact that he wasn't wearing a helmet. It felt unnecessarily cruel to talk about at the time. But it's worth talking about to make sure we don't lose any more friends for that reason. 

I know that wearing a bike helmet doesn't look cool.
But do it anyway so that you'll be able to hang out with your friends who don't care if you look cool. They're your real friends anyway. 

And now today's...

RANDOM SONG OF JOY!

How was I an Accidental A-Hole at the Laundromat?

Avid readers will remember that on Tuesday I discussed doing laundry and the one fun part being the big money that you get when you change a $20.

What I didn't tell you on Tuesday was how this idea and this picture made me act like a jerk.
As I put the coins from the machine in my change bag I laughed at how great it is to put in a $20 and get out so many coins. So I began to jot down this idea in my phone.

Then I realized that a picture of the coins would really be helpful in conveying what I'm talking about. But I'd already taken the coins out of the slot. So I pulled out my change bag and put handfuls of quarters back in the machine to recreate the magical moment.
I took a picture and took the coins back for a second time.

It wasn't until I finished this and turned around that I noticed a young Hispanic mom and her 5 year old son waiting to get change.
I realized how insane I must have looked.
I got change. Put it in my pocket. Pulled out my phone. Put the change back in the machine. Took a photo. Then took the change again.

So I have to come clean and say sorry to that random mom for being an a-hole.

And now Todays:

RANDOM SONG OF JOY

When does a Yogurt Tear Friends Apart?

Roommate stories are often the best.

The reason is that living together means that you're around each other all the time, and sometimes the slightest slight, can blow things up. 

For Example, yogurt.

Yesterday I was speaking to 3 women who live together who told the saga of how a Yogurt explosion almost tore them apart. 

One roommate had accidentally spilled a yogurt but didn't have time to clean it out of the fridge before heading to work. According to them this was a big spill, "the Hiroshimana of Yogurt explosions."

Another roommate demanded that the 3rd roommate clean it and she said that there was no way she would do that. Roommates 2 and 3 were in a fight at that point.

A day of texting and debating between 2 and 3 ensued full of frustration, questions, and fears about broken friendships. But then the day ended with the 3rd roommate cleaning up the explosion and buying the 2nd flowers to say sorry for being snippy. 

It was a beautiful story full of anger and redemption.

And Yogurt. 

And now Today's:

RANDOM SONG OF JOY!

Why do New Yorkers Walk so Fast?

The main reason is that unlike most other places in the US, most New Yorkers don't drive. This means that while in other cities people late for work might have road rage, in New York it's sidewalk rage. We can't honk in person so we're forced to sigh or grunt as we shove by a slow moving walker.

The other reason is that you are constantly bombarded by people asking for change, or with a story, or with a political issue that desperately needs your money. New Yorkers become reflexively defensive and guarded because of this. It would be exhausting to most people to have a conversation with everyone that asks for something. So instead, they just walk fast and ignore everyone.

So it makes sense that we all walk so fast around the city. But sometimes we do have to remind ourselves to break a breath, and smell the flowers...or rather the urine and trash.

Now Here's Today's:

RANDOM SONG OF JOY!

What's the Only Good thing about doing Laundry?

Laundry is just the worst isn't it?
Especially in New York.
There's just too many of us on this island. And we're all really dirty.

My laundromat is two blocks away but might as well be its own planet. Once you go through those doors it's like stepping into an alternate universe. There are piles of clothes everywhere and old Hispanic ladies moving clothes around like lumberjacks lifting logs. How are they so strong?

I think that doing Laundry is probably a great workout for anybody:
Folding, that's some nice arm work. Lifting, that's your whole back and core. Frustration that the machine broke, you'll be sweating off those donuts in no time.

Somehow my Laundromat is open 24/7 and is still always busy. That's how full New York is. You can be open every hour of every day and it still feels like you decided to do laundry during happy hour.

But today I discovered one great moment at the Laundromat. Today I had to get change.
I only had a $20. When I put the bill into the machine it rumbled. It bumbled. And then all of a sudden I started hearing that sweet "Plink" "Plink" "Plink" sound at the bottom of the machine. I was the big winner!

I put in only one bill and out came dozens of coins! It was my lucky day!
Everything's looking up Andrew!

And now...here's today's...

Random Song of Joy!

What Kind of Tax will Everyone Pay?

I visited Costa Rica recently with my family and had a very mixed trip.
We survived the crazy jungles and animals and made it to the beach, where my mom was knocked over by a wave and got hurt. She's fine now but at the time it was scary and we were afraid she had a neck or spine injury. Again, she's fine now.

So you can imagine that when we made it to the Airport, we were eager to go.
And that's when we saw this:

Brilliant Costa Rica!
A tax to leave!
Literally you can't escape that crazy place unless you pay a tax.
Other countries need to try this. Cause people may grumble, but no one has ever decided to live in a foreign country because they stubbornly won't pay a $29 tax.

"Well the reason I raised you kids in Sri Lanka is that Daddy went on a trip. And when I tried to go home they wanted me to pay them to leave! So I said, no, this is where I will live now. I'll show them that I won't be bullied into paying them an exit tax! I'll live here forever...and pay sales, property, and income tax. Ahhh!!! I can't win!"

So we paid. And we're back.
Other countries can learn that this is the way to tax.

Why are Ads Filled with Fake Science?

In high school I had a great teacher named Mr. Dougherty who opened my eyes to the way advertisers manipulate our lack of scientific knowledge.
Mr. Dougherty said, "Shampoos will often say, 'PH balanced for your soft skin' or something like that. What they're not telling you is that every shampoo has to be PH balanced because otherwise it would burn your skin."

Since then I've had an eye out for deceptive ads that state the obvious as if it's something novel.
And one ad caught my eye yesterday on the subway. It's an ad for "AIRism" a new product from Uniqlo which for some reason is named like a religion.

I just love the part of the sentence where it says that Airism is "engineered specifically for both men and women."
That is actually not specific at all.
If Airism is for men and women then it's engineered specifically for every human on the planet.

It's like someone asking me what kind of women I like and me saying,
"I specifically like short and tall women, fat and skinny women, and specifically the women that have boobs."

What's not shown in this picture is that the Men's and Women's descriptions are slightly different descriptions of the same effects.

Be skeptical of science in ads people, cause remember:
They're just trying to sell you something.

Can Men do Yoga?

I wouldn't call myself a Yogi. But the fact that I know that term shows you I've dabbled. The term Yogi refers to someone who is a student of Yoga. It's hard to take seriously an activity that takes its terms from a cartoon bear.

I think that Yoga is better suited for women because of one specific pose.
The Superman pose:

For men this pose is very problematic. There is no way to say this delicately so I'll just say it:

It crushes your penis. 

You lift your arms and legs and extend them so that all your weight is on your midsection. I'd say about 25% of my body weight ends up right on my family jewels.

So while this pose may be great for you ladies, this superman pose is not so great for my little supermen if you catch my drift. 

Yoga is basically stressful relaxation.

It's doing poses that are difficult but trying to stay relaxed while doing them. 

So as an inflexible, out of shape man, I face a dilemma. 

Do I not worry about doing the poses well and just stay in the relaxed spirit?

Or struggle hard to do the poses but lose any attempt at a zen like state?

Sometimes I can do both, and sometimes I can achieve neither. 

But I really feel that any activity has value if you put an effort into it. 

So Happy Yogaing everyone!

And for you Yoga teachers, if you see guys in your Yoga class, go easy with the Superman. 

Why are Parents Forcing their Kids to do Yoga?

Yoga is great for a lot of adults.
They find it relaxing, invigorating, healthy, and positive.
And that's great.
But don't force it on your kids.

I read this week in The Metro about "Yogi Beans," a yoga camp for children.
Don't worry, it's not an 8-week camp that they can't escape from.
It's a 2 hour program they can do many times.
But it's still too much!

I've tried Yoga once or twice.
Cause I'm a straight male, but I'm not afraid to dabble in the feminine arts.

Yoga is full of various poses. Some of them make a lot of sense.
Cat and Cow definitely feel like a nod to the real animal.
Downward Facing Dog looks like a dog.

But the "Child's Pose?"
Have you ever seen an actual child in "Child's Pose?"
No.
Neither have I.

Children like to run and jump and skip and play.
And they do lie face down sometimes. But not with their legs gently and symmetrically tucked underneath them and their toes spread wide apart.
They just act like kids and lie down whatever way they please.

I'm just saying that I don't think adults should be teaching children how to do:
"The Child's Pose"

Some back tomorrow when I'll answer the question:
Can Men do Yoga?

Why are Iranians Drinking Dog Sweat?

The New York Times has reported that seven people have died in Iran from drinking homemade booze.  In the town of Rafsanjan, (pronounced like it sounds) people have been going blind, getting sick, and dying, because they are drinking alcohol made from Antifreeze.

Iran in 2013 is like America during prohibition.
Alcohol is banned, but everyone who wants to drink is still drinking.
The big difference is that in Iran you can get the Death Penalty if you get caught drinking a lot.

The two popular options in Iran for alcohol are imported Vodka and homemade Vodka known as arak sagi, or:
Dog Sweat.

The danger of this practice is obvious, and the lesson is simple.
When you make drugs illegal they don't go away, they just get pushed underground.
Instead of Iranians sipping appletinis in bars like Carrie Bradshaw, they are chugging it in basements like under aged frat kids.

So Iran, get with the times and make alcohol legal and safe instead of illegal and dangerous.
If anyone could use a drink to mellow out, it's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

So make it legal, and grab a cold one. I guarantee it will taste better than Dog Sweat.

Why are Dogs Just the Best?

Last week I was writing about Michele Bachmann.
That got me thinking about other Dumb, Crazy, Bitches in my life.
I thought of my dog Daisy.

Daisy, like all dogs, is really great because she's really dumb.
Every time I leave the house she is depressed because she thinks I'm gone forever. While this is sad for her it is great news for me. Because it means that when I return home after 5 hours or 5 minutes, she greets me like a soldier returning from war.

"Oh my God! You're back! I never thought I'd see you again! I can't believe it! You've missed so much. There is this bone, and this tennis ball. And if you threw them down the hallway I know I could chase them and bring them back! Oh I can't believe you're home!"

Sometimes Daisy seems like that great imaginary 1950's wife that never really existed. You know that one that spends their whole day just sitting at home, pining for you, getting ready to play with you when you get home.

"Oh Honey! You're back! I've done nothing but think of you. I'm naked, of course, no need for clothes. And I'd love to kiss you right on the mouth and then play with your balls!"

Dogs are the best!

Why do Corporations Give to Democrats and Republicans?

Corporations care about one thing, gaming the rules in the laws so as to be most favorable to them.
Small businesses just compete within the rules.
Corporations are big enough to realize, "They can write the rules."

But how do corporations make sure that the senator with the pen is listening to them?
They give them money!
But surely, Andrew, you ask, they couldn't possibly give money to all of the candidates?
Well, As Barack Obama sort of said, "Yes They Can!

Corporations can cover all their bases if they give to Democrats and Republicans. As long as they can keep any other candidates out of serious contention, they know that either a D or an R will come after the congressman's name.

So they give to both.
Cause it works.

One of the oldest reporting rules seems to be one of the hardest for us to get a grip on...
"Follow the Money."

Corporations' money goes to making sure that either the Democrat or the Republican wins. That legislator then write laws so that whether the coin lands heads, or tails.
They win.

Third party candidates have a hard time in National Elections because of this dynamic. But local races are a whole different story.
But that's for another day.

What's the Dumbest Thing Michele Bachmann has Ever Said?

Some of you may have heard the sad news yesterday that Michele Bachmann, beloved Republican Representative from Minnesota, will not be seeking re-election.
It's a sad day for all of us who have enjoyed her bat shit crazy statements. 

But what's the dumbest thing she has ever said?

Was it when in in October 2008 she said that we should investigate which members of Congress are "Pro-America" and which are "Anti-America?"
Nah. Mccarthyism and witch hunting happen are fun for the whole family.

Was it when in August 2011 she implied that the Hurricane that hit the East Coast was God trying to send a message about the need to cut spending?
Nah. God does like to intervene in fiscal issues. We all know that Noah's Flood was God's response to those Tax and Spend Moabites.

Was it when in April 2009 she said that there was not one study that showed that Carbon Dioxide gas was harmful?
Nah. This is definitely dumb. Like saying, "There's water in my bathtub and I'm fine, so why is everybody scared of tsunamis?" There are lots of Climate Change deniers so this doesn't make her unique.

The winner goes to Michele for her comments in January 2011 that The Founding Fathers worked tirelessly until they ended slavery. 
Let's see, Revolution...1776. Slavery Ending...1863.
87 years apart! And back then people lived till they were 30! So no, Michele. I don't think that the Founding Fathers kept fighting for 87 years until Slavery was ended.
I happen to know that some of them, like Thomas Jefferson, rather liked their slaves a lot.

The more important reason that this is dumb is that it involves fetishizing the Founding Fathers and believing that everything they did was right. They had a lot of great ideas and set up a system that is still going today. But they didn't know everything. And when we pretend that they knew everything, we don't allow ourselves to question their ideas, or change things for the better.

So goodbye Michele, and have a nice life.
I'm happy that our Founding Fathers made sure you could say whatever crazy shit popped into your brain. Because when you say the dumbest nonsense in the world and don't get in any trouble, we know that we can say dumb shit too.
Thanks Michele!

Should Irish Farmers be Allowed to Drive Drunk?

Before you accuse my question of being based on an old stereotype of Irish Drunkards, read this article. Apparently some councilmen in Southwest Ireland are petitioning the government to grant some permits to farmers to drive above the legal limit.

Why do they want to do that you ask?
They argue that suicide and depression are a major problem in these rural areas and that these farmers just need a drink. Or five. One can debate whether or not drinking is likely to make people happier or more depressed.
Coke and Prostitutes might make these farmers happy too but no one is going down that road.

Drinking and driving is all too common everywhere because of this simple fact:
How else are you going to drink at a bar?

I'm lucky enough to live in New York City where public transportation and cabs are available 24/7. No one else in America and very few people around the world are so lucky. Every time I visit another city I find friends putting themselves in situations where they drink and drive.

In Texas for instance it's all highways and overpasses. It's pretty hard to walk to the bars. Designated drivers are great in theory but fall short in practice. There's just not enough of us who can tolerate the idea of soberly babysitting your drunken friends. I've done it happily on occasion, but it's not something I want to do all the time.

So here's my solution...
Party Buses!
Bars should have to pay a small tax from their sales that goes towards a fleet of party buses which stay running as long as they're open! It will be fun, communal, and will make one sober bus driver the designated driver for everybody! And customers can be encouraged to use the bus instead of driving cars by being given free drink tokens and other rewards.

So Ireland, don't let Farmers drive drunk. Even if they get a few drinks at the bar, they'll still be driving home alone. Create a party bus, and those farmers can start finding some new fields where they can plant their seed.

Why does the new Arrested Development suck like a banger in the mouth?

Here's a rule that I live by, that you should live by too.

Assume sequels are terrible, until you hear otherwise.

It's so much better this way.
Most of the time it's true, that sequels just don't compare. And this way, when they're actually good, they'll be even better because you've lowered your expectations. 

Which brings us back to Arrested Development. 

I went in with low expectations, and they were met. 

The brilliance of the old show was that every episode was about Michael's struggle to be a good guy. Each episode was about the push and pull of Michael's relationship to his family. Whether to leave them, or whether to save them. That's not there anymore. 

But most of all, the reason the new Arrested Development sucks is because it's just not that funny. They're trying their best, and there are definitely some laughs. But just not enough great ones to keep the audience happy and engaged. 

But I'm not angry with them. It's tough to write good jokes.

Comedy is hard.

Like a Banger in the Mouth. 

What are House Republicans up to These Days?

I'll tell you what they're up to. 

House Republicans are voting down Obamacare.

Over and over again. 

37 Times to be exact. 

37!

They know that this is delusional. They know that Obamacare has been passed into law and defended by the Conservative leader of the Supreme Court. It's happening fellas. And they know it, they're just putting on a show and slowing things down. 

It reminds me of when you're playing tag as a little kid and you're it. And there are always those kids that whenever you get near them to tag them they just stop running and say, 

"Not playing, I'm not playing you guys." 

They say it just so they won't get tagged! They get all the fun of tag but then when something happens they don't like they say,

"Nope, no thanks. We didn't want Obamacare so no, we're not playing if that's the game."

Or maybe it's more like that kid that sticks their fingers in their ear when they don't want to hear something and are like,

"I can't hear you. Sorry. Not listening...."

Republican House Members are basically sticking their fingers in their ears and saying, 

"Not listening! Obamacare will not happen if I can't hear it. I can keep this up forever!"

And Alas they'll try.

But come 2014, it will start. Then we can stop fighting over whether it will happen, and start figuring out how to make it work well. 

What is the Subway Slot Machine?

The Subway Slot Machine is that game that every New Yorker plays when they are waiting for a train.
As the train pulls into the station the cars stream by just like those little 7's, cherrys, and pineapples on a slot machine. We excitedly wait for the car that will stop in front of us and see if we've won big.

The big winner is the car with lots of empty seats. That train car where there are enough empty seats you don't even need to rush onto the train, cause there are enough for everyone. But sometimes this triple 7's is deceiving. What looks like an empty car is sometimes empty for a reason, no one wants to be in that car. The two cars that can scare off their passengers are the cars in the summer with no AC, and the cars with a smelly homeless man. You can sit through either of these situations, but you really don't want too.

The big loser is the car that is crowded to the rafters. The worst kind of full car is the car full of rowdy teenagers just out of school. These hormonally charged creatures with no sense of an "indoor voice" can be overwhelming. The only thing that comforts me in crowded cars is my height. Which allows me at least a little fresh air in the top two feet of the car.

One of my favorite wins is the group of European girls on a trip to New York. That's the jackpot. But whatever you get when you pull the Subway Slots today, remember that there's always another spin right around the corner.

Why Should we Pass More Gun Control?

First things first.
We all believe in some amount of gun control.

I think we should only sell T-shirt guns and water cannons but that's just me. 

T-shirt guns are the best cause they're the only gun where when you get shot, you cheer!

But you believe in some form of gun control too.
Ask yourself this:
Should people be able to buy Tanks?
Rocket Launchers?
Machine Guns?

The point is everyone believes in some amount of gun control. Machine Guns were used in America early in the 20th Century as a gang weapon until we banned them. No one really disagrees with that move now, many years later. We don't miss them.

So Semi-Automatic Assault weapons.
This is the crux of what Obama wants to Reban. I say reban because technically these guns were banned from 1994 till 2004, though there were so many loopholes that it didn't ban much.

We could debate over whether or not they are automatic or assault guns or what that means but I don't think that's 100% relevant. They are military grade weapons being sold to the public at large.
No one uses them for hunting.
They're used for battle.

So the sensible majority of the country doesn't understand why any lawful citizen would have need for a weapon designed not for hunting, or sport, or self defense, but battle. "Surely we can agree as a society", the correct majority thinks, "that we don't need weapons designed for battle in the hands of anyone and everyone!"

But there is a fringe minority that thinks weapons for battle are exactly what they need. That defending against Tyranny is the duty of every American Citizen. If you think I'm making this up check out Alex Jones ranting on Piers Morgan. 

We need gun control because we need to come to our senses and talk through our problems rather than prepare to make war.
It's time we all take a chill pill.
And start preparing to make peace.  

Drones, huh, yeah, what are they good for?

Yesterday, Jan 7th, 2013, an American drone strike in Northern Pakistan killed at least 8 suspected militants and possibly an Al Qaeda operative, according to the Associated Press.
If you haven't heard about drones before, they are unmanned planes that fly amongst the clouds and drop precision bombs from the sky.
Basically metal birds with explosive diarrhea.

Are they the best or the worst way to fight terrorists?
You could argue that they are the best because no Americans are in harm's way, their strikes are more precise than all previous technology, and there is less collateral damage than in a ground war.
You could argue that they are the worst because there is almost total secrecy around them, we use them in countries with which we are not at war, and the collateral damage they cause breeds chaos and hostility.
Like Dickens said,
"It was the best of Drones, it was the worst of Drones."

But however you feel about Drones you should know that Obama uses them regularly.
Obama has used drone strikes in Pakistan, Yemen, and Somalia.
Obama has killed an American born citizen with a drone strike.
Obama has carried out more drone strikes than George W. Bush.

I'm not saying that there are any easy answers with these issues.
I'm saying these are interesting and hard issues that we must grapple with.
Just like that old song says, we have to ask ourselves:
"Drones, huh, yeah, what are they good for?"