What Kind of Tax will Everyone Pay?

I visited Costa Rica recently with my family and had a very mixed trip.
We survived the crazy jungles and animals and made it to the beach, where my mom was knocked over by a wave and got hurt. She's fine now but at the time it was scary and we were afraid she had a neck or spine injury. Again, she's fine now.

So you can imagine that when we made it to the Airport, we were eager to go.
And that's when we saw this:

Brilliant Costa Rica!
A tax to leave!
Literally you can't escape that crazy place unless you pay a tax.
Other countries need to try this. Cause people may grumble, but no one has ever decided to live in a foreign country because they stubbornly won't pay a $29 tax.

"Well the reason I raised you kids in Sri Lanka is that Daddy went on a trip. And when I tried to go home they wanted me to pay them to leave! So I said, no, this is where I will live now. I'll show them that I won't be bullied into paying them an exit tax! I'll live here forever...and pay sales, property, and income tax. Ahhh!!! I can't win!"

So we paid. And we're back.
Other countries can learn that this is the way to tax.

Why are Ads Filled with Fake Science?

In high school I had a great teacher named Mr. Dougherty who opened my eyes to the way advertisers manipulate our lack of scientific knowledge.
Mr. Dougherty said, "Shampoos will often say, 'PH balanced for your soft skin' or something like that. What they're not telling you is that every shampoo has to be PH balanced because otherwise it would burn your skin."

Since then I've had an eye out for deceptive ads that state the obvious as if it's something novel.
And one ad caught my eye yesterday on the subway. It's an ad for "AIRism" a new product from Uniqlo which for some reason is named like a religion.

I just love the part of the sentence where it says that Airism is "engineered specifically for both men and women."
That is actually not specific at all.
If Airism is for men and women then it's engineered specifically for every human on the planet.

It's like someone asking me what kind of women I like and me saying,
"I specifically like short and tall women, fat and skinny women, and specifically the women that have boobs."

What's not shown in this picture is that the Men's and Women's descriptions are slightly different descriptions of the same effects.

Be skeptical of science in ads people, cause remember:
They're just trying to sell you something.

Can Men do Yoga?

I wouldn't call myself a Yogi. But the fact that I know that term shows you I've dabbled. The term Yogi refers to someone who is a student of Yoga. It's hard to take seriously an activity that takes its terms from a cartoon bear.

I think that Yoga is better suited for women because of one specific pose.
The Superman pose:

For men this pose is very problematic. There is no way to say this delicately so I'll just say it:

It crushes your penis. 

You lift your arms and legs and extend them so that all your weight is on your midsection. I'd say about 25% of my body weight ends up right on my family jewels.

So while this pose may be great for you ladies, this superman pose is not so great for my little supermen if you catch my drift. 

Yoga is basically stressful relaxation.

It's doing poses that are difficult but trying to stay relaxed while doing them. 

So as an inflexible, out of shape man, I face a dilemma. 

Do I not worry about doing the poses well and just stay in the relaxed spirit?

Or struggle hard to do the poses but lose any attempt at a zen like state?

Sometimes I can do both, and sometimes I can achieve neither. 

But I really feel that any activity has value if you put an effort into it. 

So Happy Yogaing everyone!

And for you Yoga teachers, if you see guys in your Yoga class, go easy with the Superman. 

Why are Parents Forcing their Kids to do Yoga?

Yoga is great for a lot of adults.
They find it relaxing, invigorating, healthy, and positive.
And that's great.
But don't force it on your kids.

I read this week in The Metro about "Yogi Beans," a yoga camp for children.
Don't worry, it's not an 8-week camp that they can't escape from.
It's a 2 hour program they can do many times.
But it's still too much!

I've tried Yoga once or twice.
Cause I'm a straight male, but I'm not afraid to dabble in the feminine arts.

Yoga is full of various poses. Some of them make a lot of sense.
Cat and Cow definitely feel like a nod to the real animal.
Downward Facing Dog looks like a dog.

But the "Child's Pose?"
Have you ever seen an actual child in "Child's Pose?"
No.
Neither have I.

Children like to run and jump and skip and play.
And they do lie face down sometimes. But not with their legs gently and symmetrically tucked underneath them and their toes spread wide apart.
They just act like kids and lie down whatever way they please.

I'm just saying that I don't think adults should be teaching children how to do:
"The Child's Pose"

Some back tomorrow when I'll answer the question:
Can Men do Yoga?

Why are Iranians Drinking Dog Sweat?

The New York Times has reported that seven people have died in Iran from drinking homemade booze.  In the town of Rafsanjan, (pronounced like it sounds) people have been going blind, getting sick, and dying, because they are drinking alcohol made from Antifreeze.

Iran in 2013 is like America during prohibition.
Alcohol is banned, but everyone who wants to drink is still drinking.
The big difference is that in Iran you can get the Death Penalty if you get caught drinking a lot.

The two popular options in Iran for alcohol are imported Vodka and homemade Vodka known as arak sagi, or:
Dog Sweat.

The danger of this practice is obvious, and the lesson is simple.
When you make drugs illegal they don't go away, they just get pushed underground.
Instead of Iranians sipping appletinis in bars like Carrie Bradshaw, they are chugging it in basements like under aged frat kids.

So Iran, get with the times and make alcohol legal and safe instead of illegal and dangerous.
If anyone could use a drink to mellow out, it's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

So make it legal, and grab a cold one. I guarantee it will taste better than Dog Sweat.

Why are Dogs Just the Best?

Last week I was writing about Michele Bachmann.
That got me thinking about other Dumb, Crazy, Bitches in my life.
I thought of my dog Daisy.

Daisy, like all dogs, is really great because she's really dumb.
Every time I leave the house she is depressed because she thinks I'm gone forever. While this is sad for her it is great news for me. Because it means that when I return home after 5 hours or 5 minutes, she greets me like a soldier returning from war.

"Oh my God! You're back! I never thought I'd see you again! I can't believe it! You've missed so much. There is this bone, and this tennis ball. And if you threw them down the hallway I know I could chase them and bring them back! Oh I can't believe you're home!"

Sometimes Daisy seems like that great imaginary 1950's wife that never really existed. You know that one that spends their whole day just sitting at home, pining for you, getting ready to play with you when you get home.

"Oh Honey! You're back! I've done nothing but think of you. I'm naked, of course, no need for clothes. And I'd love to kiss you right on the mouth and then play with your balls!"

Dogs are the best!

Why do Corporations Give to Democrats and Republicans?

Corporations care about one thing, gaming the rules in the laws so as to be most favorable to them.
Small businesses just compete within the rules.
Corporations are big enough to realize, "They can write the rules."

But how do corporations make sure that the senator with the pen is listening to them?
They give them money!
But surely, Andrew, you ask, they couldn't possibly give money to all of the candidates?
Well, As Barack Obama sort of said, "Yes They Can!

Corporations can cover all their bases if they give to Democrats and Republicans. As long as they can keep any other candidates out of serious contention, they know that either a D or an R will come after the congressman's name.

So they give to both.
Cause it works.

One of the oldest reporting rules seems to be one of the hardest for us to get a grip on...
"Follow the Money."

Corporations' money goes to making sure that either the Democrat or the Republican wins. That legislator then write laws so that whether the coin lands heads, or tails.
They win.

Third party candidates have a hard time in National Elections because of this dynamic. But local races are a whole different story.
But that's for another day.