How is Tweeting the new Haiku?

Tweeting is in its infancy. If you think about it it has only just begun. But I think in some ways that it is the technological equivalent of the Haiku. Just like the Haiku it is short and sweet, contains a nugget of knowledge, and is meant to stand alone as a thought.
And yet the differences between a Haiku and a tweet relate to the differences in the state of humanity. There are no rules for the length of a tweet (beyond under 140 characters) and therefore they need not require intense labor in their creation. The Haiku is very precisely organized and proscribed. The rules of the Haiku’s construction influence the content of the Haikus. In our times, we tend to love individuality and choice, and therefore the tweet has no rules for construction; allows different styles and voices to flourish. In our modern times we don’t see the value of a Haiku or a sonnet’s rules in limiting our creative thought. In other times, more rules were thought to demand and therefore produce more creativity and brilliance.
But the Tweet has not yet had its Shakespeare. The sonnet is not an inherently beautiful art form. Its 14-line construction is completely arbitrary even if it is now praised. But with Shakespeare and other great writers, sonnets were lifted into a realm of respect above many other poetic constructions.
The same may be true with tweeting. It may not be until several brilliant tweeters tweet something extraordinary, that tweets are truly respected.

How do I know that "Date Night" will be terrible?

When a movie's posters show a vague title with nothing but the faces of the costars, you know the movie will suck. If it didn't suck they would give you some image from the movie, or a tagline to show it's style. "Date Night" has neither. The posters are just Tina Fey and Steve Carell looking haggard. They're trying to sell you on these hilarious people's reputations alone.
And I know what you're thinking. Tina Fey would never do a crap movie! Right? Wrong. That's exactly what they want you to think. In fact, that's what they're counting on.
Where's my Proof? "Seven Pounds."
A little film starring Will Smith that was nonsensical and awful; And what was the poster for it? Will Smith's face. A big close up of Will Smith's face.
So don't be tricked by "Date Night."
Or go see it anyway. I just love that Tina Fey and Steve Carell. Those kids are going places.

Why is David Paterson so Arrogant?

When did our Un-Elected officials become so convinced of their right to be in power? David Paterson, the Governor of NY, became governor when Eliot Spitzer was caught buying Ashley Dupre's services. Specifically getting serviced by prostitute Ashley Dupre.
So David Paterson came into office without a single vote cast in his name.
And now he's done two things that are much worse than hiring a prostitute. First it came out that he used State Troopers and his power as governor to intimidate a woman into dropping charges against an aide. Then we learn that he used his power to secure free Yankees tickets, and then backdate a check and lie about it after it became clear he would be caught.
Both of these crimes are terrible abuses of authority. They are using his power as governor for personal gain, and using state agencies to help him silence a victim. Eliot Spitzer's crime, while it certainly was a crime, was that of a rich man buying sex. It was a private crime committed by a citizen. And I personally don't think it should be a crime because there is no victim but that's another story.
And now David Paterson won't step down and resign. I believe he's holding out so that if Attorney General Andrew Cuomo threatens prosecution he can use resigning as leverage. He can try to ask if they will let these crimes slide, if he's willing to resign.
Gov. Paterson thought that saying he would not run for reelection would be penitence enough for his abuses of power. Well guess what David, it's not. You never ran for election in the first place and have no mandate to be in power at all. So do the right thing and step down before you do something worse.

Why do the Palestinians and Israelis both think they're David fighting Goliath?

The answer is, they are both David.

The way the Palestinians frame it they are David against Israel's Goliath. And they're right. Israel has a huge standing army as well as modern weaponry and a strong strategic advantage over them.

The way the Israelis frame it they are the David against the Goliath of the entire Arab world. And they're right. They're literally surrounded by neighboring Arab countries who have various degrees of dislike and/or hatred for Israel. They're outnumbered, surrounded, and feel under siege.

The problem with these mentalities is that the conversation never goes anywhere.

Both sides say they're the underdog, that they're under attack, and that therefore they shouldn't have to make any concessions.

I went to a debate a week ago and heard the first new idea I've heard about this conflict in a while. A two-state solution, but with a twist, the Palestinian state has to let Jews live there.

A Palestinian state could be drawn encompassing the West Bank and Gaza and Jewish settlers that live there now could stay and have full rights as part of the new Palestinian State. In the same way, any Palestinians who are drawn into the borders of Israel can live in Israel with the full rights of citizens. It seems like a simple solution that I don't see why I've never heard it before.

So everybody stop complaining about being the underdog and make this thing happen!

Why am I going to start wearing an eyepatch?

I learned recently that many think that pirates wore eyepatches not because they got their eyes poked out constantly, but for visual advantage. Some theorize that pirates wore them so that when they went below deck they could switch which eye the patch was on and their eye that was used to the patch, could see in the darkness.

This feels intuitively true to me. Partly because I had an entire job based on this inability of eyes to adjust to darkness quickly. I was an usher for Cirque Du Soleil, a job that exists because when people entered the circus tent it was dark and coming out of the sunlight they could see nothing. We could see because we had been standing in the tent and helped them to their seats with flashlights.

So here's why I want to wear an eyepatch.

I'm going to steal the pirates idea and become the most successful robber ever.

And I know what you're thinking. Andrew, it's going to be pretty easy to catch the guy who is known for wearing an eye patch. And my answer to that is Yes and No. Yes, it will be easy to find me, but no, it will be hard to catch me.

The way I'll rob people will be the same way I'll elude capture. My plan is to enter, say, a jewelry store and switch the eye patch to the other eye, then hit the light switch. The room will be thrown into darkness. The store owners will be confused and bewildered. But meanwhile I'll be seeing perfectly. I'll be gone with their precious money before they can find the switch.

In the same way the cops may corner me in my room. But off go the lights, and I'm out the door.

So watch out world. Cause I've got an eye patch, and I'm not afraid to use it. And your world is about to get very dark.

And the only way to stop me, is if one of you wears an eye patch. But you'll never have the juevos to do it.

Why is it hard to buy a banana?

Bananas are fragile, and though I love them dearly, they cause a lot of stress. As with all fruit, it's hard to tell from the outside what's on the inside. But for bananas, it's often the prettiest banana that is the worst, and the ugliest that's the best.
At stores and bodegas bananas will often be near the counter. They are usually bright yellow and a little green, and are terribly firm on the inside. Whereas the best bananas are often a little brown on the outside, but smooth and delicious on the inside.
But you feel like an idiot buying a brown piece of fruit. So vendors sell bright yellow ones, and you buy bright yellow ones, and you go home and cry over your too firm banana.
If only we could look beyond the exterior and see our bananas for who they are in the inside.